Thursday, April 28, 2011

Attention Girls...

…and anyone else waking up at 3AM to watch the Royal Wedding. It is official! After years of searching, I have finally found a way to equate a girl’s excitement about something to a guy’s feeling about sports.

I am pretty much the average guy when it comes to following sports; I am not in any fantasy leagues, I watch football on Sundays when it doesn’t interfere with anything in my life and I go to about 5 sporting events a year. One thing that I never did is wake up at 3:30 in the morning to watch a game. When I was in Israel, I missed the World Series and watched about half of the Superbowl.

But I now realize that when girls ask “What is so interesting that needs to put everything else on hold?” what they are really asking is “Why don’t I have anything like that?”

The answer to that is that if you did, you would blow it further out of proportion than guys have done to the Superbowl. If there was an annual Royal Wedding that took place every April, it would become an international holiday. And just like a guy would drag his girlfriend/wife to a Superbowl party with the promise of social interaction, a girl would do the same to her boyfriend/husband with the promise of food. Only when the guy is dragged out of bed at some ungodly hour, giving into the prospect of an awesome breakfast that may include eggs, waffles and pancakes over his precious sleep, he is subjected to tea and biscuits! Everyone would come dressed as some member of royalty, and who knows? We could even have a mock wedding before the actual festivities. The only way guys would be able to deal with the event would be to make up betting lines on the wedding. Lines may include:

  • Length of first kiss
  • First person to cry
  • Number of people outside Westminster Abby
  • Length of Prince’s nose

And the argument that I absolutely do not want to hear anymore is “these athletes don’t care about you.” Because guess what, the Royal Family cares less about you. AND there is more of a chance of me meeting any Kansas City Royal, Sacramento King, Los Angeles King or even Prince Fielder than the chance of you meeting any member of the Royal family. So I have free reign to buy a jersey, because how many brides out there will try to model their dress after the new Princess’s?

And no, Erachet is not making me get up to watch the wedding, nor is sports something that we have yet to argue about. This is just an observation by someone who grew up not being allowed to watch TV on a school night unless there was some sort of major sporting event going on, and had to defend this to a sister who didn’t have anything similar to it. The complaint should not have been “why can he watch?” but “why don’t I have anything that I care about?”

Monday, April 11, 2011

Shower Power

Yesterday was Erachet’s shower. Thursday Night, I spent an hour answering questions about her so that her friends can derive some sort of enjoyment out seeing me be completely wrong about her or extremely jealous that I know so much about her.

Either way, I do find it weird. I understand why it is forced upon the guy to reveal his knowledge (or lack thereof) about the girl – because the friends for some reason want to know. But why aren’t the girls required to answer similar questions about the guy.

Why isn’t SHE asked what HE wore on the first date? What are his favorite restaurants, foods and colors? Why don’t they ask the girls frivolous questions like what the guy’s favorite football team is?

I have come up with two possible answers for this. The guy’s friends don’t care, and the girl always knows the guy well. Let’s take them one at a time.

A guy’s friends don’t care

Obviously, there is more of an interest among the girls to see how well their friend did in the manmarket than guys who want to see who’s going to be cooking for them when they come over (jk lol ?). Aside from that, you run into the problem of when to show the video to the guy’s friends. The Auf Ruf seems to be out, seeing as it’s on Shabbos, and I think that such a video would seems out of the realm of normal bachelor party events (if you were to have one) .

The girl always knows the guy well

And I think this is the more pressing issue. Girls always know guys well. So doing it this way makes it into a competition; not between the couple, but between the girl and her friends, who now will need to prove that one knows their other half better than the other. It just cuts down on a lot of unneeded/unwanted stress.

Having said all of this, I think I did pretty well with my questions. Admittedly, I did not get them all right, but at least once I answered something about Erachet that she got wrong herself. A little suggestion though to all you shower-planning girls out there - ask some of those guy questions and see how well SHE does. It may turn into a competition, but hey, at least us guys will get a fair shake.