Friday, April 16, 2010

Shaving During Sefira

There is a common question about shaving during Sefira and its shaving implications. Obviously, this is only in regards to those of us who are male and don't already have a reason to shave for Sefira (i.e. job, etc.). After making keen observations and consulting Rabbinic authorities, here is what I have learned so far:

1) If you are not dating someone prior to entering Sefira, DON'T! It's too much of a hassle. Do I shave? Don't I shave? What about finals? Tax season? Its all too much! If you are a guy, just don't start it.

2)If you must date, then you have to consider some things. If she is the type of girl that will be put off by the fact that you didn't shave, then you may shave.
- Even if you have been dating for some time, this rule applies. There is no statute of limitations on the shaving rule.
- If it is the first date, you might want to assume that she's the type of girl who cares.

3) The rules of shaving during Sefira are not the same as the rules for shaving during the Three Weeks. This is because the Aveilus for the Three Weeks is equivalent to that of Shloshim and the Aveilus for Sefira is equivalent to that of Yud Beis Chodesh.

4) If you are a girl, please don't care about whether or not your date shaves. It's easier not to shave and it would really cut down on our prep time. But you should still take your regular six and a half hours of prep. We deserve it.

5) Not all of these opinions are shared by every Rabbinic source. Please consult your LOR for these and all other shaylas. And please, when you reach the end of your 120, and you show up in heaven and they ask you why you shaved during Sefira, do not say yo read that this was the halacha that you read on a blog and therefore you thought it was mutar. I take no responsibilty for your other world repercussions.

9 comments:

  1. Interesting. Thanks so sharing!

    In case you didn't read my comments on SiBW's blogpost about sefira beards... (http://solelyinblackandwhite.blogspot.com/2010/04/sefira-and-revenge-of-beard.html)

    I LOVE SEFIRA BEARDS. And it's my favorite time to date. Men should stop being so self-conscious about it and should be proud to be sefira-beard donners!

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  2. It's not a self-conscious thing for me. In my experience, I find that girls prefer the clean look to the unkempt look. You happen to be the exception (I think). I think that many (not most) men would prefer to not have to shave, but girls as a whole prefer their men shaven.

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  3. Perhaps.
    But Juggy - check out the comments on SiBW's post. Many girls don't seem to mind and some even prefer the beard for a few weeks.

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  4. I know a guy who his kallah refused to be in pictures with him during sefira.

    I dont shave during sefira even for dating (although i have for an interview) although i really want to. i like being clean shaven, i think i look better.

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  5. Personally, if I could, this is the time of year I would like to be dating. The weather is usually nice and it's an optimistic time of year (at least for me). I don't have to worry about shaving b/c I shave for work during sefira so the only problem sefira poses is not being able to listen to music which is really hard when dating.

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  6. I went out with my husband for the first time during the three weeks. His beard did not bother me at all. I would not want it as a full time accessory but I think girls understand that during sefira and the three weeks some men don't shave.

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  7. I have found most girls to be pretty understanding - either not minding, or as Sefardi Gal mentioned, liking the scruffy look.
    I did once make sure to go on a first date prior to Pesach to make sure she knew what I looked like normally.

    Honestly though, if a girl was freaking out over this kind of religious observance, I would be a little concerned about dating such a person.

    Beards in marriage are a whole different story... I just heard a great line from a rebbe who said that someone he knew who was always clean shaven turned to his wife during sefira and said "this sefira beard is very becoming, don't you think," while rubbing his jaw in admiration. She replied "It may be becoming, but it better be going!"

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  8. There is a heter that some people hold of: if you normally shave at least twice a week, then during sefira you can shave on fridays. This heter is learnt out from a chasam sofer

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  9. According to many, if you shave at least twice a week, you can continue to shave with the same regularity during S'fira.

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