Wednesday, January 20, 2010

LKS

Weddings are a trying time for many people involved. At the forefront are (duh) the chosson and kallah. It is clear that they cannot be responsible to remember to do anything, much less that which I am about to describe. When kaytzad merakdim hits, and the kallah (according to a custom which I will never understand) comes onto the guys side, where she is greeted with a lot of guys running away.

But then they come back with their "shtick," and patiently wait for the fathers, grandfathers, uncles, rabbeim, that crazy guy from shul, the kallah's brother, Joe the homeless guy from Main Street, and any other middle aged guy who never had bad knees to finish doing their "dancing" so that they can present the shtick that they spent three minutes preparing. Nice. But what happens when it's over?

Well, some kallah's have what is commonly known as Lingering Kallah Syndrome, or LKS. This occurs when the guys have nothing more to do, but the kallah still wants to be entertained. BUT WE HAVE NOTHING TO DO! So, what ends up happening is that we guys are forced to do things that we didn't plan, like high leg kicking, Yeshivish spins, the helicopter and the merry-go-round. These are all lame.

Side effects of LKS include:
"Bring our Kallah back" signs
Thumb Twiddling
"The Worm"
Nausea*

The point is that we need a way to prevent LKS. We are officially creating this position. It is going to be given to the girl who always complains that there is nothing for girls to do at weddings; that guys get all of the kibudim. Well, here's one for you. It is now your job to take your kallah back. Signs won't do the trick. Come in, grab her by the arm, and leave. That's it. You have the power. Only you can prevent LKS.

* We suggest Pepto

3 comments:

  1. I'm glad someone was finally brave enough to speak up about LKS and offer ways to treat it.

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  2. Thank you. We are always looking for more ways to fight LKS. April is going to be LKS awareness month, so stay tuned for that.

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  3. Hilarious, I must say. I have witnessed many instances of LKS, and sometimes aggressive Pre-LKS wherein the Kallah is evacuated way too early and guys waiting in line to do shtick are left hanging until the second dance.

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