Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Chavrusa Shidduch World

I have always been under the impression that setting up a chavrusa and setting up a shidduch were similar in a few obvious ways. For one, they can both have an effect on your spiritual growth for the foreseeable future. It's difficult to find someone who can deal with the idiosyncrasies that come with a spouse or a chavrusa. Of course, it's always good to find someone on "your level."

However, I did not know until today that both can sometimes require a shadchan. I only say this after an encounter with a friend of mine (we'll call him Ned) who was dumped twice yesterday. Yes, twice. Once by a girl and once by his chavrusa. As you could imagine, he was quite depressed about both. While I tried to give Ned a little comfort, we were interrupted by a phone call. He answered the phone and you guessed it, it was the chavrusa shadchan.

Now there are a few issues with Ned. Obviously, he is going to need someone who can cope with him missing a seder here and there for things such as dates and weddings. Additionally, he has a pretty heavy work load between yeshiva, college and work. You could imagine Ned's joy when he heard that the shadchan had found someone who would be willing to learn with him. Apparently, this guy would be more than willing to sacrifice a little to learn with Ned. Why? Beacause Ned is a little older and might understand shiur better. So, he'd be able to explain it better than anyone his age.

However, Ned didn't recieve this news as well as I thought he would. He said many things that included "I need a little time to think about it" and "I'm going to see what else is available" and "Is he cute?"

But I did learn a valuable lesson in chavrusa shidduch making. It is just as delicate and difficult as regular shidduch making, only less money is spent. You can't just say things like "here's a guy and here's another one. They're both nice and smart. Let 'em learn." It just doesn't work like that. You have to take other important factors into consideration. You need to look into each family, their personalities and interests, and most importantly, what type of cook they are. Hey! A guy's gotta have a good Thursday Night chulent.

In the end, Ned didn't take the chavrusa. He's looking for someone a little closer to his own age, not someone who is just starting out in his shiur. But if you know a person (preferably a male), age 23-25 who is in the market for a chavrusa, let me know. Maybe we can make the shidduch. He comes from a nice home.

For more on this, click here.

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